Tragedy For Nicky Byrne As He Is Selected As Ireland’s Eurovision Entry

“I always knew it was a risk when I took the job with RTÉ, but at the same time you never think it will happen to you”.

Nicky Byrne sits in the RTÉ canteen, his panicked eyes sunken back into his face, he doesn’t look like he’s seen a ghost – he just looks like one.

Being selected as a Eurovision entry for Ireland has been described by previous entrants as a fate worse than death.

In hushed tones, careful not to attract attention, he tells of the tragic news which has made its way into the papers in recent days.

“We had Johnny Logan on the radio show there last year, and he warned me then – you don’t see it coming, but the Eurovision big wigs catch you unawares and before you know it you’re being fitted for a metallic suit with assless chaps,” Byrne shares, clearly feeling the full effect of the news that he will be representing Ireland at the Eurovision this year.

Logan’s warning was obviously not enough as hooded Euro pop loving RTÉ executives called to the Byrne’s home at 4am last week blaring Gina G’s ‘Just a Little Bit’ from outside on the street. Their trademark calling card.

“I was told I was ‘The Chosen’, but I was barely awake so it was all a bit confusing,” Byrne explained, before outlining his fears that he could be forced to sing a song by anyone about anything.

“You’ve seen some of the entries in the past, I mean I’ve a rep to uphold I was in Westlife for fuck’s sake,” Byrne added, with the realisation that this was really happening finally dawning on his face.

RTÉ employee contracts have contained a well hidden clause which means the broadcaster can force anyone into becoming the Eurovision contestant for Ireland.

“I suppose as long as I don’t repeat the Bryan Dobson Sharon Ní Bheoláin entry a few years ago of ‘I’ve Got You Babe’ I’ll be doing alright,” Byrne reassured himself, but you could tell from the look in his eyes he didn’t believe what he was saying.