Mr. And Mrs. Soap Apologise For Financial Crisis

THE Soap family have come forward and begged for forgiveness during an emotional press conference where they accepted sole responsibility for the catastrophic financial crash which crippled Ireland and plunged the Nation into years of austerity.

After being outed by former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern in a BBC Radio 4 interview, Joe and Mary Soap admitted that the credit union loan they took out in 2006 to “do up the kitchen” was the single reason Ireland had to enter the ECB bailout programme two years later.

Joe, 36, wept openly as he apologised for recklessly borrowing €30,000 to cover the renovations, while Mary, 34, claimed she did not realise at the time the ramifications of her insistence on a “nice Aga cooker”.

Hailing from Kilkenny, the Soaps pleaded for people to believe them that they had no knowledge at the time that their 30k loan would have such a devastating knock-on effect on building developers, property speculators, estate agents, and financial institutions.

“Bertie is right, it’s all our fault,” sobbed Joe Soap, who is still chipping away at that Credit Union loan after losing his job in 2010.

“We hope the Irish people can forgive us. All the budget cuts, the tax hikes, the mess that is the HSE, water charges, property tax, cuts to healthcare, homelessness, the elderly, the negative equity pit that so many families are in… it’s all our fault. We just lost the run of ourselves altogether”.

Mr. Soap went on to apologise personally to Bertie Ahern for causing him so much hassle towards the end of his leadership of Fianna Fáil, adding that he also owed apologies to subsequent Taoiseachs as well.