Fine Gael Disgusted Party Member Only Asked For £10k

TAOISEACH Enda Kenny said he was shocked and disgusted at former party member Hugh McElvaney who “only asked for £10,000” during an RTÉ investigation into political corruption.

Speaking outside Leinster House today, Mr. Kenny said the sum of money asked by Councillor McElvaney was very low and unusual for someone in his position of power.

“This is not just an insult to our party, but every other hardworking politician on the island,” he said. “To be caught asking for such a small envelope of money is an embarrassment and is the reason I accepted Mr. McElvaney’s resignation last month.”

Echoing the Taoiseach, opposition leader Micheál Martin said he was also shocked at yesterday’s investigative report, which saw Sligo-based councillor Joe Queenan offering to act as an intermediary for a company in return for an investment in an agricultural business he was planning.

“We are shocked that a member of our party didn’t ask for any money at all,” Mr. Martin said. “This is very un-Fianna Fail, and I have put a floor on all our financial bribes at one hundred thousand euros going forward, as suggested in 1995 by our internal minister for bribes, Bertie Ahern”.

The Taoiseach made sure to make a solemn pledge to the Irish people, ensuring these incidents would not be repeated again.

“I have to admit my error, and say I didn’t do enough to foster a culture of dishonesty. That is why I now appeal to former Fine Gael member Michael Lowry, to come back into the fold and teach everyone how to do this stuff properly,” a tearful Taoiseach concluded.

The Irish public for their part have vowed for the 1,345th time to never vote for any politician who has been shown up as deceitful and dishonest.