Met Service Issues Orange Warning About Your Partner’s Cold Toes In Bed

PEOPLE who share a bed with a spouse or partner have been put on high alert by Met Éireann, who have issued a statement warning that the temperature of your bedfellow’s toes might plunge to unheard of levels over the weekend.

The grim prediction came following a change in the cold toe warning status from yellow to orange; the lowest it’s been in nearly five years.

People who sleep beside a naturally cold-footed individual have come to live with the frequent nocturnal freezings, usually when their wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend brushes their ten icy piggies against them.

In some instances, cohabitants will shove their entire foot underneath their significant other, usually while saying “warm them up will ya?”

The Met Service has warned that even though you may have grown used to this kind of thing over the years, this weekend will test you more than anything you’ve experienced before.

“We’re talking a bunch of frozen baby carrots here,” said Ian Kerley, chief chiropimeteorologist at Met Eireainn.

“Even if they’re wearing socks this will be bad. You will not be able to sleep through this, you may not even be able to speak. You’ve bravely put up with this kind of thing for years, but this weekend may be the first time you turn around and say ‘get them fuckin’ toes away from me'”.

Kerley went on to add that circumstances would be worse in instances where one partner refuses to go and buy a half decent pair of winter boots.