Some Fucking Lunatic Has His Tree Up Already

IN a worrying development, it appears that some mad bastard in a County Waterford neighbourhood has gone ahead and put up his Christmas tree already.

Residents of the Dungarvan estate were shocked and horrified when they walked past the window of 33 Hennighan Close and saw that whoever lives there has not only put up a fully decorated Christmas tree in early November, but has also put an illuminated candlebridge in each window, and a sign outside that says “Santa Stop Here Please”.

If verified, the appearance of a tree this early in the festive season may prompt several other Dungarvan residents to head up into the attic and get their own trees, sparking a full-on a countywide tree erecting spree.

It had been hoped that this year people could refrain from putting up their trees until at least the start of December, but it appears that one loose cannon has “gone rogue”.

“I don’t know what kind of sick fuck would put a tree up in November,” sobbed Anita Kingston, Lord Mayor of Dungarvan.

“What were they thinking? You’ll have children and spouses all going home demanding that they put their tree up too, and before you know it, we’ve got a full-blown winter wonderland on the 18th of November. When will the madness end?”

Reports of the troubling decorating incident quickly spread through Dungarvan, along with several reports that another house on the far side of town “has lights all up around the fascia boards”, although these claims are as yet unconfirmed.