Government To Freeze The Homeless For Two Years To Tackle Crisis

HOMELESS people will be frozen for two years as part of a Government plan to tackle the ongoing crisis, Minister for the Environment Alan Kelly has confirmed today.

People living on Irish streets will be rounded up by a roaming cryogenics team who will begin touring the country later this month.

In total, over 4,000 homeless people are to be cryogenically frozen until 2018.

“We should have accommodation solutions by March 2018,” the minister explained. “Studies have found that freezing the homeless for such a long period of time will also help with any addiction problems they may have; the two-year break from drink and alcohol will do them wonders.”

An estimated €200mn euros will be invested into cryogenic tanks for the homeless, with a further €100mn to be allocated for similar cryogenic tanks for refugees pending asylum.

“Although the investment is quite large, we do hope to save millions on food and various other commodities that waking people need,” Mr. Kelly pointed out. “If successful, we might roll this out to patients waiting in A&E,” he added. “It’s either this or prefabs; both are as cold as each other”.