10 Things You Didn’t Know About Ireland Legend Shane Long

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HIS goal against Germany is already etched in the collective Irish memory forever, but what about the man behind the rocket powered football boot of fury, the real Shane Long? WWN presents 10 things you might not know about the Tipperary talisman:

1. During his Leaving Cert Irish oral examination, Shane discussed in detail the failed drug policies instituted by the Regan-era US administration, the effects of which are still evident in American society today. He received a C+.

2. The Southampton striker almost speaks fluent German, knowing the words for ‘fucking’, ‘take’, ‘that’, ‘you’, ‘ German efficiency’, ‘loving’, ‘bastards’.

3. Despite being called Shane Long, the striker is only 180 centimetres in length, some 160754 centimetres shorter than a mile, which, according to most length experts is considered ‘quite long’.

4. Shane has exactly 37 hairs on his arse at last count. Arse hair counts are typically conducted every 6 months.

5. From precisely 9.15pm on the 8th October until his death, Shane Long never has the need to buy himself a pint again.

6. Shane is an avid lover of the Tony the Tiger Kelloggs Frosties ads which aired during the 90s. Shane is known to regularly use the word ‘great’ in his conversations, and recent estimates confirm he has eaten close to 23,345 individual Frosties.

7. The premier league star’s favourite actor is Vivek Shah, who famously played ‘Middle Eastern Bank Hostage no.2″ in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight.

8. It’s well documented that Shane enjoys a sing song, but what isn’t more widely known is that his singing voice is so beautiful that it has been banned by the totalitarian regime in Eritrea for fear his voice will give its downtrodden citizens too much hope.

9. Shane’s favourite bus is the 15b Dublin Bus route, leaving its terminus at 3.15pm on Sundays.

10. In 1992, the Tipp man was voted most likely to score a screamer against the World champions by his fellow junior infant classmates in Gortnahoe primary school.

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