Local Councillors Wondering If Anyone Needs A Road Fixed Or Anything

WITH a General Election looming in the distance, members of all parties have advised councillors at a local level to have a quick check to see if anyone ‘needs a road fixed or something’.

Local councillors were told that projects such as pothole filling, hedge trimming, playground refurbishment and speed bump construction were all not freely available, with TDs dipping into their special pre-election kitty that they save for sweetening people up at a local level.

Fianna Fáil, still reeling after their electoral wipeout in 2011, have offered the most money towards road maintenance, with Sinn Féin a close second.

In some instances, members from opposing parties were heard to bid against each other for the right to fill a pothole or two on a rural road, with one SF spokesperson declaring that he would “fix that roadway better than these other hoors”.

“I’d been complaining about the state of our road for months,” said Una Halligan, a 63-year-old mother-of-four from Castlerea.

“All of a sudden I wake up this morning, and there’s this Sinn Fein councillor at the front door with a shovel and a bucket of tar. A Fianna Fáil lad landed an hour later, after the road was fixed, and the Sinn Féin fella told him to ‘fuck off, I’ve got this one filled’. Then the FF lad offered to clean my gutters. I told him a Labour woman had done that last week”.

Parties will continue to do odd-jobs across the country in the run up to the General Election, with many offering catering for 21st birthdays, and others offering sexual services but “no weird stuff”.