Digicel Flotation Fails As Boat Big Enough For Owner’s Ego Impossible To Find

BUSINESS circles have been busying themselves with rumours following Digicel’s dramatic decision to call off its flotation on the New York stock exchange.

The dramatic pull out has been described by several news outlets have as a huge blow to the Carribean based company.

The buoyancy of the company’s chairman Denis O’Brien was called into question by financial experts, with particular concern for the sheer weight of his ego being something no business boat could carry.

Business flotations, for the uninitiated usually involve a gathering of investors to a port, dockland, jetty or inlet, where they witness a company board a boat with all its staff and assets, thus proving they are fit for flotation in water. If the vessel was to appear at risk of sinking, investors are immediately scared off as they deem it too risky to invest.

However, in Digicel’s case many financial experts questioned whether or not there was a boat big enough to sustain the weight of an ego the reported size of O’Brien’s.

“It has nothing to do with the fact the company had losses of $157.6 million last year, or the fact that Mr. O’Brien recently suggested Google and Facebook, two of America’s biggest companies, should give him money for having adverts on their own sites,” explained markets veteran Philip Conn.

“It probably has nothing to do with the fact the company is growing slowly, relative to market leaders, and while I’m not saying it has anything to do with reported ego size, but flotation or buoyancy has to be a concern when you’ve got one of those mad big heads,” Conn added.

Independent ego experts have confirmed that there is little chance the world’s largest vessel, the Globe, which is 400 metres long and has a capacity for 186,000 tonnes could take the speculated weight.