College Student Hoping New Black Friend Gives Him Added Cool Points

TIPPERARY native Cormac Callan has admitted that he hopes the addition of a black friend will enhance his already ailing reputation amongst his peers in first year UCD Science.

Failure to stand out at several social engagements his peers have attended, such as awkwardly standing outside the lecture hall and bumping into each other in the library, has left Cormac even more desperate to make an impression and earn a reputation as a ‘cool and chill out sort of guy’.

“Ah black lads are class,” Cormac confirmed to WWN, a presumed reference to his new friend and fellow UCD Science student Daniel Kelly, “I’ve gotten him to do this cool secret handshake thing, it’s great”.

Cormac began talking to Daniel after asking to borrow his pen during a lecture, a request which took six minutes of psyching himself up for, and was immediately struck by the fact he would appear infinitely cooler to all of his course mates if he clung to Daniel for dear life.

Despite having no interest in Kanye West, Air Jordans or other ‘black lad things’, Daniel was frequently asked about these subjects by Cormac, as the 18-year-old Tipp student sought to meet Daniel on his own level.

“Imagine all the girls catch site of myself and Daniel shooting the hoops, ah class,” Cormac confirmed to WWN as he stood waiting by the basketball court in full gear, hoping to run into Daniel.

For his part, Daniel has repeatedly insisted Cormac stop being so ignorant, and just relax when in his company.

“He’s forever trying to sneak a selfie with me on the sly, the dosy bollocks,” Daniel confirmed, “he even asked if I could give him a black lad nickname…I’ve no fucking clue what that means”.

“He won’t even do black lad stuff or anything , I started wearing me trousers down low and he told me to cop on t’fuck. What’s the point like, if the rest of our year don’t see us doing cool stuff together?” Cormac queried.