LISTEN, we’re not trying to scare anyone, but there’s a few bad articles around where you live. Real sleeveen, ne’er-do-well types. You’d want to keep a watch for them, you wouldn’t know what they’d be at! Park yourself at your upstairs window and lift the blind just enough to peek out: let’s spot us some bad articles.
It’s all in the eyes
Handiest way to tell if someone is a bad article, is to get a look at their eyes. Some of these lads just have a real bad eye in their head. We’re not suggesting that they have other, better eyes elsewhere: we’re just saying that they have at least one bad one, right in their head. You may not be sure of the nature of their wrong doing, but if they have a bad eye in their head then they’re almost certainly a bad article.
Where do they be going?
The lad across the road seems to keep strange hours: staying in the house all day, leaving only in the evenings… sometimes he’s there on a Saturday, sometimes he’s not. What is he up to? Where does he be going? These are all tell-tale signs of a bad article.
Has his mother’s heart broke
Bad articles are fierce hard on their mother’s hearts: that’s the hallmark of a bad article. Keep an eye out for anyone who’s excessively rude or sharp when talking to their mothers. If she stops to talk to someone, does he wait patiently for her, or does he tell her to come on? The poor divil. Her heart must be broke with him.
He’s probably a drug dealer or something
Like, he has to be, surely. Sure, what else is he. Look at him there, dressed like The Verve. That’s a bad article if ever I seen one. Pure pup altogether.