HSE Purchase 76,000 Kilos Of Cold Turkey To Treat Drug Addicts

IN an effort to solve the issue of drug addiction throughout the country, HSE management, on the instruction of the office of the Minister for Health has purchased 76,000 kilos of cold turkey.

Hailing the purchase as a signal of intent when it comes to treating drug addiction, the Department of Health suggested that the 76,000 kilos should be enough to treat anyone addicted to a substance who was willing to wean themselves off it.

“The evidence backing up cold turkey as the best method for staving off addiction is clear, and we’re delighted to have secured such a large shipment of high quality cold turkey,” a source within the HSE told WWN.

“And look it, we’re taking a pretty hands off approach on this one, someone seeking treatment can put the cold turkey with a sandwich, some veg, whatever they deem most suitable,” added the source.

Those campaigning for a change in attitude to drugs in Ireland have said the purchase of the cold turkey is a positive step ahead of the Oireachtas Justice Commission’s ruling on the feasibility of a Portuguese-style decriminalisation.

It is thought portions of cold turkey will replace ineffective alternatives previously used by the Government such as ‘not putting funding into drug treatment’ and ‘simply ignoring the problem’.

HSE would disclose how much the cold turkey cost, but admitted to paying 50% above the asking price ‘out of habit’.