5 Things Religion Classes Were Used For Other Than Teaching Religion

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FOLLOWING the wholly unfounded accusations in a recent study that suggests Irish schools don’t take Religious Education classes seriously, WWN explores what the normally intensive subject was occasionally used for other than religious enlightenment when we were still donning our school uniform:

1) The quiet, serene soundings of a Religion class in which fuck all religion was being discussed often became the ideal place for students to conduct all drug purchasing negotiations. Far away from the hustle and bustle of yard during little break, religion class offered the calming environment in which dealer and purchaser could discuss the price on various drugs. Weed was the biggest seller but for those with an eye on studying for exams speed was the obvious choice and without the fear of being drowned out by the sound of other pupils running around and shouting, drug deals went off without a hitch.

2) Religion class, in lieu of religious education often became an often raucous forum for students who became drunk on the notion that for the duration of the next 40 minutes or so they didn’t have to do anything.

With all that spare time to themselves students did and will continue to target their vulnerable and stressed out teachers in the hope of reducing them to a mental breakdown.

However, as some students have gleefully attested several teachers used the classes to actively work on their drinking problems, which made terrorising them all the more easy and entertaining. Special mention goes to Mr. Kinsella, who pissed himself once after falling asleep during religion class.

3) Precious additional study time is what religion classes across the country are most famous for, and as a direct result, many students directing credits God Almighty, Our Lord and Saviour by helping them get that C1 in Irish. Don’t worry concerned parents, we still had time to learn about the disciples. That Judas, what a bollocks.

4) IRA gun running. While this is not something younger people will identify with, there was a time when the serene surroundings of a quiet religion class would be used as a resting place for arms secured by the IRA before it arrived at its final destination. As students and teachers alike used the class to engage in their favourite daydreams, members of the terror group could easily lay low in the classroom without being detected.

5) Some teachers took religion a little more seriously, and of course used the class to focus on telling young children that any consensual sexual contact with anyone would see them burn in eternal damnation. While official religious education is supposed to dispassionately discuss all religions along with their respective teachings, ideology and history, some teachers recognised the class as possibly the only time they could warn, intimidate and shout at their pupils and so they manfully placed yet another barrier to sexual education in the way of their charges.

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