Poor Ickle José Got A Boo Boo And Can’t Pow Pow

THE UFC confirmed today that poor ickle Jose Aldo got a boo boo and can’t pow pow, forcing him to cancel the July 11th title fight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena with Conor McGregor.

The scardy cat made international headlines last week after claiming to have broken his rib in training.

UFC president Dana White revealed news of Aldo’s withdrawal last night, saying at a packed press conference: “Aldo is being a big girl’s blouse cause he has a little ow ow in his ribby, and now says he can’t pow pow. Maybe his mammy will kiss it better for him so we can reschedule for October, but who knows with this poopy pants. He could just be a big chicken.”

Trainers for the Brazilian are denying the world featherweight champion made up the injury to avoid the title defence, and asked commentators to stop making chicken noises at him as he’s upset enough as it is.

“Jose has twenty five UFC wins under his belt and one loss,” said trainer Andre Pederneiras. “He knocked out fourteen of those wins. To make *bawk bawk* noises at him is an insult”.

“His rib is broken in 84 places but he still wants to fight, but the doctors won’t let him. Stop calling him names!” Pederneiras added, contradicting reports that it was only a contusion and that doctors had cleared the fighter for the bout.

Dana White later confirmed Chad Mendes will fight Conor McGregor at UFC 189, instead of girly pants Aldo and his baby minders.