Just What Is Amy Huberman Trying To Hide?
WWN’s women’s female affairs correspondent Miss Anne Trope looks into the case of Amy Huberman and asks ‘just what is she hiding’:
Ah, Uberwoman Huberman. I couldn’t find the umlaut key on my keyboard for the ‘U’ but you have to suspect Amy would know exactly where it is. She is that perfect.
It is curious to consider that the Irish Supreme Court declared it illegal for women to ‘have it all’ in 2003 but the evidence regarding Amy Huberman is overwhelming: funny, gorgeous, married to a man, successful in her career as an author and actress, mother to two children and still somehow winning in the fashion stakes. It shouldn’t be possible should it? Yet, it is.
She is the envy of women who routinely take to her.ie’s sister website ohmygodamyhuberman.com to pour over all of the things she has achieved outside of her career, specifically on social media. But, she must be hiding something.
My suspicions were reluctantly raised as to how she does it, but I mean, come on, I’ve gone to the gym 4 times this year, I doubt she has. And Ben still won’t return my calls, I just don’t get why Amy gets to have her cake and rub it in my face too.
Latest scientific studies show that women can only be ‘on point’ at most 71% of the time, so it begs the question: how is Amy Huberman doing it 100% of the time?
Of course Huberman, or ‘Aims’ to women online who stalk her, has refused my repeated tests that she undergo medical testing to determine, once or for all if she is indeed ‘perfect’.
As I dug a little further I discovered something horrifying: my source within the Gardaí admitted they had raided the offices of a disturbing Amy Huberman cult just last week. Though no arrests were made, the Gardaí discovered a small but dedicated group of women who had chosen to devote their lives to worshipping Huberman.
The ideology of the cult is clear and they have consistently made offerings to their elected deity in the form of fawning comments directed at Huberman on Twitter, Instagram and elsewhere.
On the occasions Huberman responded, retweeted or favourited their offerings, the women would sacrifice an animal and occasionally kill a man who admitted he ‘didn’t know what all the fuss was about’.
The cult’s barrage of compliments gave the wider appearance that Huberman was really on point 100% of the time, but when you removed their 200,000 comments on Instragram the reality told a different story: Amy is human just like the rest of us.
This knowledge strangely made me love her when previously I had resented her, and where the cult not shut down by the Gardaí I would have immediately joined it. The Gardaí for their part revealed they believed the cult would have reached a tragic conclusion a la the Jonestown Massacre.
“These women had expressed their willingness to kill on behalf of Amy Huberman, so we just couldn’t risk allowing them to carry on their operations,” Sergeant Alan Wilmot, who had confiscated a large scale replica of Huberman maintaining it was ‘evidence’, told WWN earlier today.
Did Huberman know of this cult’s actions? Without any official comment we can only presume she was 100% complicit in their crimes.