US Police Dept. Confirm Their Guns Don’t Have A ‘Shoot White People’ Setting

POLICE in the United States have issued a statement confirming that sidearms carried by officers have been found to contain one peculiar flaw – they jam when aimed at white people.

The findings were made during the arrest of Dylann Roof following a mass-shooting at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church where he killed 9 people in cold blood.

Roof, 21, was apprehended following an extensive manhunt, and was taken alive by officers in a similar manner to the arrests of James Holmes, the white man who killed 12 in a 2012 massacre at a Denver movie theatre.

Cops have faced questions as to how caucasian criminals, many of which are armed to the teeth at the time, managed to be apprehended without the use of gunfire.

“Yeah, we’ll have to have a word with Glock about this,” said Mike Lockhard, spokesperson for the US justice department.”There’s a long history of white men who go on a shooting spree before being arrested completely unharmed. Don’t for a second think that we cops don’t like shooting people, believe me, we love it, it’s just that our guns don’t seem to allow us to harm white psychopaths”.

A portion of the statement read “although the weapons don’t seem to have a functioning setting that allows them to fire at white mass-murderers, the setting for shooting at unarmed black people suspected to have committed minor crimes seems to work “just fine”.