Moving Statue Reports Down 67% From Last Year

THE Church has warned that recent events in Ireland are directly responsible for the decline in of moving statue reports across the country, claiming apparitions are down almost 67% from last year.

Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin told WWN the worrying drop in figures could be related to the recent marriage referendum and warned of a possible future without the Blessed Virgin Mary.

“We cannot be sure if the Holy Mother feels there is no need to visit us anymore, or that we’re all just in the bad books,” he said. “It’s kind of hard to tell. She normally visits places that are in desperation. Maybe she is angry. Maybe she’s busy appearing in countries that need her more. Who knows?”

The Blessed Virgin first visited Ireland in the village of Knock, County Mayo in 1879, almost thirty years after the famine when poverty, unemployment, evictions and emigration were not uncommon. She then went on tour, visiting Lourdes in France and various locations across the globe before returning back to Ireland some 100 years later.

During the summer of 1985, statues of the Virgin Mary were reported to move spontaneously up and down the island.

“Holy Mary reappeared in the moving statue form in Ballinspittle, County Cork and then made her way to Mount Melleray, county Waterford,” said local historian Patrick Murphy. “She has been hanging around since then, but apparitions have become less and less frequent.”

The Catholic church claims the decriminalizing of homosexuality in 1993 put a large dent in the number of visits from the Virgin Mary, and that the recent Marriage equality referendum may have been the final nail in the coffin.