Man Quite Pleased With Pile Of Shite In Garden Shed

A DUBLIN man has expressed pride at the ever-growing pile of old rubbish in his garden shed, which has doubled in size since its inception four years ago.

Malachy Smith, with an address in Clondalkin, made the statement during the weekend as he added new items to his 6 by 6 foot shed, including a number of power tools that he has no use for which he bought on special in Lidl.

The new additions bring the total free space in the shed to less than four cubic feet, filling Smith with a sense of pride every time he opens the door or tries to get the lawnmower out. Among his prized possessions are an old bedside locker full of mixed screws, and two threadbare tyres, which the previous owners of the house left behind when they moved.

“Never throw anything out, that’s what I always say,” said Smith, beaming with pride as mountains of pure shite cascaded out after he opened the door of the tiny shed.

“In fact, just never throw anything out. The wife always gives out to me and asks me to tidy the shed, but all this stuff will come in useful at some stage. Granted, there are eight paint cans there with nothing in them, but they’re handy to have for filling in the space in the far corner there. Otherwise there’d be an empty spot in the shed, and we couldn’t have that”.

Smith went on to state that should the shed become completely full, he may start moving some items into the wee room underneath the stairs, which he regretfully announced had “no shite in it at all”.