Cork Detain 3 Dublin Migrants Off The Coast Of Youghal

THE People’s Republic Of Cork’s Navy rescued and detained three Dublin migrants off the coast of Youghal earlier this morning.

Turlough O’Brien Callaghan, Síofra Callaghan O’Brien and Rudiger O’Brien Callaghan O’Brien were apprehended at 9.20am this morning as they attempted to gain access to Youghal and what Cork officials have called ‘Cork’s superior way of life and living standards’.

“They had thrown their passports overboard as soon as we boarded their vessel,” explained Sub Lieutenant Daniel Collins, “they attempted to mimic our accents as to give the impression they were from these parts, but it simply wasn’t piercing and high-pitched enough, we saw right through it”.

Although there are no official statistics on the number of Dubliners attempting to gain access to Cork, the Cork Navy estimate it could be somewhere in the region of 1 million people.

“At first they hate our freedom, now they just love it, love it so much they want to take it and have it for themselves,” added Sub Lieutenant Daniel Collins, “we have a proper channel that they can through, and despite the fact we know we’ll reject all their applications, we encourage Dubliners to choose that route.”

Claims that the three individuals were simply looking for a bit of lunch before continuing on to Kerry have been dismissed by Cork.

This news comes as EU officials discuss combating increased migration to European shores in the face of problems created in part by the 2011 bombing of Libya by a coalition including European nations while subsequently failing to offer sufficient support in the aftermath of Muammar Gaddafi’s death.