14 Dead From Poisoning After Elderly Woman Enters Bus Doused In Perfume

GARDAÍ and ambulance services are still on the scene of a tragic incident which has claimed the lives of 14 early morning commuters, WWN can exclusively reveal.

What should have been just another journey into work for Dublin commuters on board the 145 into the city centre took a tragic turn as 73-year-old pensioner Maureen Bingham boarded the bus at Stillorgan.

Elderly women in Ireland, for years characterised by their love of attending funerals and wearing toxic levels of horrible perfume, have been the cause of several similar tragic incidents earlier this year.

“We’ve examined the motivations, no stone has been left unturned honestly,” revealed investigating Garda Tomás Flynn, “the excessive perfume we believe is part of an unconscious desire to ward off the stench of death the elderly feel they may give off as their bodies decay”.

“But obviously when they choose to wear half a bottle it has devastating consequences,” added Flynn.

Elderly women often build up an intolerance to the toxic fumes and the perpetrator of this latest crime, Mrs. Bingham, is said to be no different.

“Ah, I only put on a little splash,” Mrs. Bingham is believed to have told Gardaí but WWN sources suggest the pensioner goes through several bottles of Clinique Aromatics Elixir, which smells like a combination of potpourri and the anal discharge of a sickly cat, on a daily basis.

One survivor of the harrowing incident told their side of the story to WWN.

“I hadn’t taken any notice of her when she first got on because, well, she’s old,” shared Dubliner Gerry Lyons, who escaped with minor lung damage, “but as a woman nearer the front gave up her seat to yer one, I think the auld one sort of fell slowly into her seat”.

“You know that thing they do where they back their arse onto the seat nice and slowly but they’re fooling no one; they’re basically falling slowly and hoping for the best. Then, the woman who had given up her seat just hit the floor straight away. It all happened so fast,” Lyons added, visibly upset.

14 others weren’t so lucky as their lunged ingested a toxic level of old woman perfume. Mrs. Bingham is expected to be charged with murder later today.