5 Make Up Tips So You Don’t Look Like A Bag Of Shite

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WE here at WWN just love, love, love an inspiring story relating to female empowerment, but, something we love a little more than that is undermining our apparent supportive narrative by shitting all over women in a subtle fashion. Sometimes, after a long day of being shit on,you just want to relax and wind down, maybe have a glass of vino and watch an episode of Scandal (lol, snap us too) and if we’re feeling naughty have a scroll through the Daily Mail app (I know, stop).

But wouldn’t it be easier to do all this with that natural make up free look that we all love? Well, WWN has 5 simple tips which can make this a reality in no time.

1) Okay, so take your make up wipes and take off whatever make up you had on. C’mon ladies we know we’re beautiful without that slap. Done? Okay, now we begin the natural look. You should buy Bobby Brown moisture rich foundation because, in fairness, you’re an ugly bitch. It’s only €50 a pop, very affordable.

2) In order to get the look of wearing no make up at all we’re going to have to really pile it on, you honestly don’t think society accepts you for the way you look, do you? No, it accepts you for the way you look like you’re trying to look like you’ve made no effort but really this took 40 fucking minutes.

Now that the foundation is applied and your natural beauty is amplified, hack your entire face off with a machete because no one is going to marry that. Oh, you don’t think so? Well why not look at our 64 page photo gallery which highlights everything wrong with skinny, fat, square, rectangular and curvy women.

3) We’ve highlighted how unrealistic the beauty standards you’re subjected to are and that’s why you should probably book that liposuction in the clinic we covered in an article yesterday. Your natural look currently says ‘dying alone’ when really it should say ‘how does she do it?’

4) By now, you should see just how beautiful you are with the steps so far. Your face should really pop and have the necessary contouring. Your skin needs constant moisturiser, so begin the process by crying when you think about how terrible you are.

5) Oh my God, Amy Huberman!

If you’ve followed these steps you should look like the perfect mix of effortless charm and beauty while retaining some flaws we can all gently laugh at, like being tall, because, actually that’s not a flaw at all. If you skipped any of these steps, it’s safe to say you still look like a bag of shite.

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