Water Chestnuts Are Fucking Awful, Chinese Restaurants Finally Told

THE nation has come together as one voice today in a bid to rid Chinese take away meals of water chestnuts.

In a show of solidarity, hundreds of thousands of men and women have signed an online petition to have the root vegetable banned from the food industry due to its fucking awfulness in nature.

“It’s like biting into a raw potato,” said one man, who later admitted to never actually biting an uncooked potato in his life. “Well, I imagine that’s what it’s like. You might as well be eating a lump of dog-shit”.

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Chinese restaurants defended the ingredient, with one Dublin takeaway owner stating that if you don’t like them, just don’t eat them.

“You no like? No eat den,” exclaimed Johnny Chong, who actually speaks in a fluent English manner, but for racial stereotyping reasons likes to use an accent. “Irish all the time complain; ‘I no like lemongrass – too hard’, ‘can you take out onion’, ‘curry too gloopy’……like, wha’ da fuck is gloopy?

“Whara fuck you wan’ den? Go to fuckin’ chipper!” he added, exactly like you’ve come to expect from a hilariously agitated Chinese man.

Today’s call to abolish water chestnuts from the Chinese menu coincides with the Chinese new year, which is the year of the sheep – one of the rare animals it doesn’t serve on the menu.