Late Late Show Regretting Free Wrap Of Cocaine For Everybody In The Audience

RTÉ have apologised to viewers of last Friday’s Late Late show after it emerged that everybody in the audience was given a free wrap of cocaine by producers.

Managing Director of RTÉ Noel Curran issued a statement earlier today asking viewers for forgiveness after the boisterous crowd began “cheering and chanting like it was a rugby game” during several live segments on the two hour show.

“Before the show, Ryan (Tubridy) told us all to check under our seats as there was a small rectangular parcel attached to them,” said one audience member. “Tubs said it was a sample of cocaine that was found off the Cork coast last year and was recently tested to be 75% pure. He said he had a friend in the Navy. One producer said to take it easy on it as it was like ‘gun powder’.”

The move to intoxicate the audience came just days after it emerged last week that Brendan O’Connor’s Saturday Night Show had recently surpassed the Late Late in viewing figures.

“Let’s give those Saturday Night Show cunts something to live up to,” an executive producer was reported to have said before the show went on the air last Friday night. “We want plenty of cheers and interaction from everyone”.

However, it didn’t take long for the high grade Colombian powder to take hold of the audience.

“My teeth felt all weird and funny. Then, before I knew It I was dry humping Katie Hopkins,” said one audience member, who wishes he remained anonymous that night. “The wife dumped me when I got home and I had to sleep in the sitting room”.

“I ended up wanking into a sock for 10 hours on the couch,” he added.

The show caused a mixed reaction online with some describing the show as ‘car-crash TV’. Opinion was split, however, as many found the show funny and enjoyable.

“They should hire that audience every week,” said pensioner James Ward.

“Where can I get tickets for this.” said Twitter user @CarlosJack. “I’ll have whatever they’re having”.

Sources at the studio revealed that several audience members were invited back to an after party in Ryan Tubridy’s home in the city.

“The Saturday show beating the Late Late in the ratings hasn’t gotten to him,” said one member of staff. “So if you see him crying and calling Brendan O’Connor a bollocks it’s probably about something completely unrelated.”