Jim White One Good Transfer Rumour Away From A Heart Attack
THE sad news that Sky Sports News presenter Jim White is one good transfer rumour away from a heart attack has shocked the football community.
White, a familiar and integral part of the Transfer Deadline Day excitement was told by doctors yesterday that there was a rumour of Manchester United making an unprecedented bid for Gareth Bale to circulate, such is White’s enthusiasm he would most certainly die instantly from a massive heart attack.
Speaking to WWN before parachuting out of a helicopter into the Sky Sports studios, White seemed unfazed by the devastating news.
“We’re a choc-a-block with transfer-tastic fantasticness,” White screamed in this reporter’s face as his eyes bulged, hinting at a new plane of sexual gratification being reached.
White remains undeterred and insisted he would continue to speak in caps lock for the duration of the broadcast and that special masturbation-proof gloves would also help to calm him.
“I’m getting Transfer Deadline Day tattooed on my face live on air… where else would you get it?” White asked rhetorically while maintaining his erotic transfer-obsessed stare for at least 3 minutes.
With rumours swirling, White’s excitement is set to eclipse its previous heights with some medical professionals suggesting that something as innocuous as a Peter Crouch loan to QPR could spell the end of the Scottish presenter.
“We’re taking all the necessary precautions,” Sky Sports producer Alan Nealon explained, “we have a medical team on stand by in case his heart bursts out of his chest, which would make excellent television obviously”.
Sky Sports confirmed the creation of a special ‘Dildo Containment Unit’ (DCU) after an incident involving a sex toy at a football ground last Transfer Deadline Day.
“DCU implement the latest in anti-dildo technology and we have every faith in the fact the incident will not be repeated,” confirmed Nealon.
WWN will be live-tweeting all the transfer deadline day action from 8pm, join the action here.