Newly Crowned Miss Universe Set To Tackle Blorgon Problem In Omega Quadrant

THERE was fresh hope for the war-torn Omega Quadrant today, as the newly crowned Miss Universe pledged to immediately travel via matter-displacement tunnel to the capital of Blorgon in a bid to quell the violent uprising which has pushed the sector to the brink of total galactic war.

Miss Colombia Paulina Vega beat contestants from more than 80 other countries to claim the throne of Miss Universe at Sunday’s pageant in Miami, Florida.

The 22-year-old student of business administration from Barranquilla, Colombia, said she would wear the crown with “pride and excitement”, and issued a declaration that her first order of business would be to represent Earth at crucial interplanetary talks aimed at reaching peace on Blorgon before the conflict spills out onto neighbouring planets.

“The people of Blorgon are dying right now due to the violent uprising by the Nebulox tribes against the Snalcort government,” said Vega, who wowed judges with her charming personality and knockout swimsuit wearing skills.

“On behalf of the Federation of Earth, I will appeal to the Snalcort ruler, Fnxsal 7, to cease his military action against the tribes and start working on a democratic solution. Neighbouring planets to Blorgon have begun to take sides with either the Snalcort and the Nebulox, and have issued warnings that they will join the conflict if necessary, which could have drastic implications for diplomatic relations across the universe, as well as untold amounts of death and destruction”.

Stepping into the matter-displacement tunnel to begin her journey to Blorgon, Ms. Vega promised to return in time to crown a new Miss Universe next year, although temporal anomalies encountered during her trip to Omega Quadrant mean that she will have aged nearly 60 years by then.