8 People We Hope To Lose In 2015
WWN presents you with the most comprehensive list of people we all hope to lose in 2015. While other news publications may claim their list is the definitive list, ours is in fact the most definitive of definitive lists. It wasn’t easy narrowing the list down to just eight, but we tried our best.
1 – Your Aunty Joan. Ever since Aunty Joan only gave you a fiver for your communion, she has nearly made every last one of your ‘we hope to lose lists’. Despite rumours that this aging spinster is sitting on a fortune, Joan has always been tight with her money, which in previous years has meant you didn’t even bother shaking out Christmas and birthday cards in the hope that some money would fall out. Bitch.
2 – Osama Bin Laden. Despite being dead now for several years, many people have expressed a desire to enjoy that feeling of hearing about his death for the first time once more, almost to the point whereby they wouldn’t mind if someone who just looked like him would die. Watching it back on Reeling in the Years just doesn’t have the same effect.
3 – Your local clampers. Since the UN recatecorised Clampers as non-human they technically shouldn’t make the list, but we’ll let this one slide. So what if we want to park in a disabled parking space for 4 hours, the Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies isn’t going to watch itself and walking an additional 30 feet can be fatal to the knee joints.
4 – Katie Hopkins. It’s only natural to want to wave goodbye to someone who only says idiotic and controversial things, knowing it will mean she will then be asked to appear on TV shows or write newspaper columns.
5 – Dalai Lama. C’mon like you trust him either.
6 – Individuals who play their music from their phones at full blast without earphones at the back of the bus. Recently declared a hate crime, blasting your music in such a fashion has always failed to endear the perpetrator to his or her fellow passengers. While it’s not yet clear what the circumstances of their death is preferable, it is speculated that death by giant laser would be satisfactory.
7 – One Direction. One Direction is so annoying that he just melts into one ambiguous series of winks, hairstyles and empty stares. Die, die, die.
8 – Kim Jong Un. Although it is presumed Kim Jong Un could die of a cheese overdose at any moment, it doesn’t make us want it any less, does it? We love nothing more than rotund dictator edging closer to death, but even we think he deserves a more spectacular fall from grace than simply having too man Baby Bells.
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