We’ve all been there, you had a good run but you can’t shake the fact that your dog just isn’t giving you that warm fuzzy feeling anymore and your caught in a loveless dog/owner situation, what to do? Kick that mutt to the curb with our handy ‘how to’ guide.
1) ‘It’s not you it’s me’ doesn’t work with dogs despite what some leading experts say. In the case of slightly larger dogs, you must first reassert your dominance by defecating on the carpet beside then screaming ‘this is my house’ over and over again until they get the message.
2) An ideal time to sow the seeds of the end of your relationship with your dog is when taking it out for a walk. Make sure to greet every dog owner you meet and undermine your own dog at every opportunity e.g ‘oh mine can’t even catch a ball’, ‘I wish I had your dog’ and ‘sometimes I dream I’m kicking my dog off the edge of a cliff, it’s hilarious’.
3) Limit the number of smiley face emojis you send to your dog in Whatsapp conversations, this will emotionally prepare your dog for what is to come next.
4) Leaving your dog by the side of the road is simply not an option: that’s not breaking up, that’s abandoning them – a whole different kennel of dog. If might seem obvious when it’s said but you need to buy a puppy and rub your new found emotional attachment in the old dog’s face.
5) It’s important not to laugh at your dog’s jokes anymore, yes dogs are hilarious but if you want out of this relationship you need to focus on sending out the ‘this is over’ message at every opportunity.
6) Make sure to avoid all romantic candle lit dinners and whatever you do don’t share pasta.
7) Begin watching only cat related things on television, by now your dog should be aware that the relationship is soon to end.