Pregnant Teenager To Give The “Immaculate Conception” Excuse A Try

A NEWLY pregnant teenager from Westmeath is to draw inspiration from the Bible later today, when explaining to her strict Catholic parents how she managed to get knocked up at 16.

Rather than face the awkward truth that she can barely narrow down the identity of her unborn baby’s father to single figures, Gwen Meeghan, a transition year student at St. Horatio’s girls’ school in Mullingar, is to tell her parents that an angel sent by God appeared to her, and totally got her up the duff.

According to historical documents, Jesus Christ was conceived without sin during a procedure known as “the Annunciation”, where the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and informed her that although she was a virgin, God had given her the fattening pin.

Knowing that her parents will hit the roof if she tells them the truth, Ms. Meeghan is hoping that her parents’ staunch Catholic background will lead them to believe that she too received a womb lodger from Our Lord.

“My Mam and Dad are super religious, so I’m thinking if they believe that, then there’s no reason they shouldn’t believe me, right?” said Gwen, who has received some pretty sub-standard sexual education when it comes to contraception.

“I mean, if they take it as fact that Mary was a virgin impregnated by God, then there’s no reason to tell them that the father of my baby could be that Polish lad from the handicapped toilets in Supermacs or the Cork chap I met when I sneaked into the nightclub with a fake ID”.

In related news, statistics released today show that teenagers have a near-zero percent success rate when it comes to their parents believing them when they claim were made pregnant by a horny deity.