Tests Reveal Soiled Irish Water Pack Was Full Of Shite To Begin With

PRELIMINARY examinations of an application pack which was filled with excrement and mailed back to Irish Water have found that the documents were full of shite to begin with.

The letter, which was posted to a Cork centre which deals with Irish Water customers, was found to be coated with what is believed to be human faeces. One staff member is understood to have received precautionary medical treatment after handling the letter, although hospital treatment was not required.

However, a closer inspection has revealed that the registration form, one of thousands sent to households across Ireland, may have already consisted of 100% crap.

“When we examined the document, we initially found traces of poop from two different people, ” said Dr. Douglas Doogan, head of Faecal Studies at the Irish Bowel Foundation.

“But one sample was older than the other, so we investigated further. That’s when we found that the first source was the letter itself, which was pure dung to begin with”.

A forensic study of the Irish Water application pack has revealed the breakdown of the shit it contained, which includes material demanding that applicants submit their PPS numbers to a private company, as well as toxic matter which claimed that people had to pay for a service which their taxes already paid for.

Following the discovery of the defaced letter, workers at the call centre which deal with Irish Water applications have appealed to the public to not send any more letters covered in excrement, as they have enough shit to deal with as it is.