Kenny Sends Varadker Down To The Shops To Get Ice Pops For Everyone

MEMBERS of the Dáil were left surprised today after Enda Kenny splashed out on ice-cream for every TD during the morning session.

Ministers on both sides of the house tucked into the treats after the Taoiseach gave Minister For Health Leo Varadker a fifty euro note, and told him to fly down to Lidl.

Entering Dail chambers, this morning, Mr. Kenny had been facing into another gruelling session following the fall-out from his handling of the John McNulty crisis. Mr. McNulty had been appointed to a role on the board of the Irish Museum Of Modern Art seemingly in a bid to boost his credentials for an upcoming Seanad by-election, leading to allegations of cronyism from Fianna Fail, and dissent among members of the Fine Gael/ Labour coalition.

FF leader Michael Martin had been preparing another challenging round of questioning for the beleaguered Taoiseach following a half-hearted apology and subsequent attempt to pass the blame of McNultys hiring onto Arts Minster Heather Humphries, but postponed his attack while enjoying his free choc-ice.

“There are questions that Mr. Kenny needs to answer before this matter is resolved” said Martin, finishing the last of his ice-cream and looking round for somewhere to put the stick. “But before I could get stuck in, Enda stood up and said ‘Is it just me or is anyone fierce warm?’. We all agreed that it was very warm for this time of year, and An Taoiseach proposed that an ice-cream would go down well”.

With TDs agreeing that an ice-cream would be nice on such a warm day, Mr. Kenny reached in his pocket and gave fifty euro to Dublin West TD Leo Varadker, and sent him to the nearest Lidl to get enough ice-pops for everyone, stressing that he should get “something everyone will like”.

Mr. Varadker left Leinster House on his bike and returned a half hour later, laden down with multi-packs of Gelatelli  brand choc-ices and space-rocket shaped ice-pops. Jokingly chastised by Mr. Kenny for taking so long and returning with so little change from his fifty, Varadker handed out the goodies while ministers sat back and chatted amongst themselves.

There was some slight controversy when Fianna Fail TD Eamon O’Cuiv was left with a space-rocket pop, but this was soon settled when Joan Burton agreed to swap him for her Choc-ice, which she had only taken one bite out of.

Normal Dáil business is to resume after lunch, with  TDs agreeing that the Taoiseach is fairly sound, and they should lay off him for now.