“Cronyism Is Kind Of Our Thing,” Fianna Fáil Tells Fine Gael

A VISIBLY enraged Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin has condemned the recent actions of the Fine Gael party and made serious accusations in relation to the recent spate of ‘cronyism’ exhibited by the majority coalition partner.

Opposition parties have criticised Fine Gael for their hand in acts deemed to be blatantly self-serving and not in the public interest whatsoever.

Incidents involving the promoting of John McNulty to the board of IMMA and handing a former councillor Hilary Quinlan the position of driver for TD Paudie Coffey has outraged the public but no one is more offended than the Fianna Fáil party.

“Admit it Taoiseach, you broke into Fianna Fáil offices and stole our ‘Cronyism Handbook'”, the Fianna Fáil leader said directly accusing Enda Kenny.

The handbook was reported missing almost three weeks ago and is said to be as many as 900 pages long. Containing every political stroke known to man, Fianna Fáil has in the past let other political parties borrow it but at a very high price.

“As a party, we put our blood, sweat and tears into that book and for you to just break in and steal it is disgusting,” added the Fianna Fáil leader.

Enda Kenny went on to deny any knowledge of the book or the word cronyism, but insisted that, yes, mistakes had been made.

“Mistakes were made, the binding on that booking is very loose, pages could just fly out and you’d be left with missing pages,” said the Taoiseach under his breath.

Fianna Fáil were especially critical of the incident involving Frank Feighan seemingly assaulting a member of the public.

“We have a chapter solely dedicated to how to correctly intimidate people without getting caught, but clearly someone in Fine Gael was only too happy to skip a page here and there,” concluded Martin.