Obama To Launch Airstrikes On Vietnam While He’s At It
IN an address to the American people last night, president Barack Obama outlined his plans for destroying ISIS and restoring peace to the Middle East via war, much in the same way the previous 78 attempts by America to do so resulted in a harmonious wonderlands of peace and tranquility.
In addition to these new measures, Obama is said to be contemplating a return the Asian theatre of war as he and his administration are encouraged by a recent bump in the polls following his intervention in the Middle East.
“If we are returning to places we really fucked up and fucked up in, we should probably stop by Vietnam and say hello,” explained a White House spokesman.
“It is the American way,” the president explained before the American people, “precision bombing is what has made this and other nations great,” added Obama.
The leader of the free world stopped short of outlining why the region fell into the hands of ISIS rebels as that would involve taking some of the blame. He instead encouraged the new Iraqi prime minsiter to form a more inclusive society which sat in stark contrast to the previous 6 years when Obama said nothing about Iraq whatsoever.
The Nobel Peace prize winner becomes the 4th successive US President to order bombing in Iraq, confirming the long held suspicion that if you bomb a nation severely and consistently enough, its vulnerable minorities will stop becoming angry and radicalised by terrorists.
It is also thought that with bombing your sole strategy, peace, effective government and an equal society will surely follow.
“It’s basic science,” explained an Obama aide, who refused to answer any follow up questions, instead preferring to point at the American flag while raising his eyebrows.
The Obama aide also failed to provide to the metric by which two dead American journalists are grounds for large scale bombing and the presence of 1500 troops but other warzones which see hundreds of thousands civilians die are left untouched by American freedom bombing.