Dublin’s Homeless To ‘Mentor’ Students Until They Find Accommodation

The Government has announced an emergency initiative to help alleviate any stress or strain experienced by students still struggling to find accommodation in Dublin ahead of the new academic year.

Dublin’s homeless people will become mentors to students without a place to stay in an effort to help them adapt to the street during the continued and unprecedented rental crisis.

The so-called ‘rental crisis’ was coined by people who stand to make a profit or sell more newspapers if they replace every second word they speak with the word ‘crisis’.

“We had no way of knowing the rental market would see this influx of students during this time of crisis year,” explained property expert Julian Pratt.

“For some reason they keep appearing at the same time every year, and rents seem to go up for no apparent reason. We’re working very hard on trying to identify the cause and make sure it stays in tact for the next century or so. I don’t like to use the word ‘crisis’ but you know it is a crisis of a crisis”.

Students without accommodation will be met by homeless people as they arrive in Dublin by bus, train or their mammy giving them a lift and shown several suitable doorways to sleep in until someone, probably a scientist, can figure out a way to solve this crisis.

Tents have been made available to students who wish to sleep in St. Stephen’s Green but the Government has warned students run the risk of encountering rabid pigeons and ethical artisanal sandwich enthusiasts.

It can be a worrying time for first year students as they look for places to live, but many property owners have assured them that they will only increase rent levels if they keep looking for accommodation.

“Getting the homeless involved will help to reassure the students,” explained a Government spokesman, “and don’t worry, we’ve asked the homeless not to teach them bad things like ‘how to heroin’, just the good things like staying quiet and out of your eye line”.

Pick up WWN’s print edition to get our 142 page pullout ‘Crisis Dublin Rental Crisis A Crisis For Students In Crisis’.