WWN is proud to present a comprehensive guide to the complex and much-muddied issue of abortion in ‘modern’ Ireland. It’s important Ireland’s women as legally registered third class citizens know their lack of human rights.
1. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 euro. Go to jail.
2. Remember, if you have roughly €1,500 at your disposal, you can be thankful that this poorly thought out legislation will never effect you – as you, an Irish resident, only have to travel to England, a different country, to make a decision about your own body.
3. If you have the misfortune of being raped, or you know – just don’t want a child you should mentally prepare yourself for countless drawn out psychiatric evaluations, one initially carried out by a GP that will have little or no training in these matters, that seek to find out if you are willing to take your own life.
4. Additionally if you’re part of a vulnerable minority with little or no surrounding support system I just wouldn’t have read no.2 if I were you. Listen, if on the other you have the money for the trip to England, this is obviously not an issue you should worry about. What does it matter to you, you’re rich, not a minority, sure you’re laughing.
5. In Ireland you never need an abortion until you need an abortion or you’re a man so honestly, there’s no need for you to get involved by writing to your local TD or joining/forming any protests or pro-choice advocacy groups.
6. If you are indeed a man – high five. How fucking lucky are you that the state isn’t trying to stop you masturbating even though that sperm of yours is the essential giver of life along with a woman’s egg.
7. Go to England.
8. Remember if you as an Irish woman fall pregnant, it is everybody’s business and it is always a very straightforward black and white moral issue.
9. It is important to never care about things like the right to choose, adoption rights, the homeless and so on until it directly affects you – this is what makes Ireland such a great country to be part of.
10. Did you know Irish women have to register their ovaries with the Irish Office of Ovary Records once they have their first period.
11. Women must be careful to appreciate the sensitivities of old white men in suits when it comes to abortion. This is more important than anything.
12. Seriously, it is. Read 11 again.
13. Why are you still reading this? Go to England!