Leaving Cert Parents Already Practicing Their ‘Not Disappointed’ Face

AS THE revealing of Wednesday’s leaving certificate results fast approaches Ireland’s parents are perfecting their ‘not disappointed’ face in order to temper their children’s emotion in the unlikely event that they do not get 600 points in the leaving cert.

It is thought as few as 54,456 students out of the 54,473 students who sat this year’s leaving cert exams will not get the maximum 600 points, but many parents still feel the need to practice their ‘not disappointed’ faces in an effort to help their children through what can be a difficult few days.

One such set of parents are Sunflower O’Neill’s parents John and Mary.

“I know what you’re thinking, her name is Sunflower so we must be some hippy dippy ‘leaving cert points are meaningless’ type of parents, but I can tell you now if she doesn’t get 500 points I’ll stick my foot so far up her arse it’ll require several surgeries to remove,” explained dad John.

Similarly, thoughtful parents Jenny and Steve Comerford have been up all weekend practicing their expressions of acceptance and fake pride.

“Jenny did a bit of acting in her college days, so that’s come in handy, she will take the lead if Niall doesn’t get the points he wants,” explained Steve.

“Yeah if Niall was to get 300 points he probably wouldn’t get into the courses he put down for the CAO which would be fucking amazing for us because the cost of ‘free’ education these days is laughable. We’ll have to be at our best in terms of acting to convince Niall we’re not absolutely delighted he hasn’t got the points he wants,” added concerned mother Jenny.

Leaving cert results day is an emotional and sobering experience for many parents as the lucky few whose children exceed expectation are afforded the opportunity to mock, insult and jeer other less fortunate parents.

“That is what you hope for really, the night before the results,” shared proud parent Shauna Devine, “if my little Clare can do as well her sisters, I can shove those results right in the face of that stuck up cow Niamh Kilcoyne and her daft looking simpleton of a son Conor”.

As with every leaving cert year, there are winners, losers and parents sucking the life out of their children by living vicariously through them.