WATERFORD entrepreneur Jamie Lonergan has pleaded with anyone looking for cheap drugs over the weekend to give him a call, as he has been left stuck with over 500 Garth Brooks pills after the singer cancelled his scheduled gigs.
According to the 23-year-old, the slightly speckled ecstasy tablets, bearing Brooks’ signature caricature, are only expected to fetch a measly €3 per drop on the open market.
“I’m gonna lose me stones on these bai,” explained Lonergan, who believes he could be in a lot of trouble with his supplier. “I knew a load of heads going to Garth Brooks so I said I’d cash-in and get a few of these fucking things!”
Originally, the FÁS course student got the specially designed tablets for four euro’s each “on tic”, and is due to pay his dealer next Wednesday.
“It was a no brainer at the time. Those middle aged cunts would spend 15 quid just for one. Had buyers lined up an’ all.” he claimed. “The plan was that anything I didn’t sell, I’d flog outside Croke Park over the weekend. I was gonna make a killing!”
Unfortunately for Lonergan, all five concerts were cancelled, rendering his themed tablets null and void for normal, everyday users.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead necking a Garth Brooks yip,” voiced Dublin socialite Darren Thompson. “Besides, I hear they’re only half the strength of regular ones. For older people lioke.”
Mr. Lonergan denies the ‘weak potency’ claims, stating the pills are just the same as normal, only the stamp on them is Garth Brooks.
“Nothing but dopes talking shite thinking they know it all,” added Jamie, “If ya hear anyone looking for yokes just tell them I have ‘John Waynes’ der for five euro a pop. Sure, they won’t know any different.”
Mr. Lonergan can be reached on public phone box number 051-305300 for further details.