Wicklow man Alan Moore is said to be enraged after closely observing every online profile of his ex-girlfriend for the past two weeks only to discover that she is moving on with her life like a complete and utter bitch.
Alan dumped longtime girlfriend, Jessica Byrne, via a specially crafted Snapchat which saw him produce a heartfelt picture of his best sad face with accompanying text saying ‘it’s over sorry’. However, Alan has found Jessica’s blatant attempt at moving on with her life to be offensive and down right disrespectful.
In several conversations with disinterested friends Alan spoke at great length as to why exactly Jessica is a bitch for getting on with her life, citing a particularly gruesome episode involving a Facebook status which read ‘single and ready to mingle’.
“What sort of heartless, soulless monster just parades that shit right in front me,” said Alan, who ‘unfriended’ Jessica moments after sending her a second Snapchat reminding her she still owed him that €100.
“It’s like, you put all this effort into the relationship, dump her and then she’s all like ‘quality time with me girlos’ like some sadistic cock hungry maniac,” Alan told WWN in the smoking area of Dicey Rileys in Dublin late last night.
“I was on my Tinder just there and she is on it too. The cheek to just openly say ‘I know you broke up with me in a really touching way, but here I am selling my body on a dating app just to piss you off’ like come on, it’s a bit much,” Alan added to a taxi driver on his way home.
Alan went on to say that if Jessica insists on carrying on with this psychological warfare he might consider pretending it was all a mistake and send yet another thoughtful Snapchat of his penis with ‘miss me?’ text.