FUCKIN FLYING ANTS EVERYWHERE
WWN has today received troubling reports from freaking out civilians, claiming that there are swarms of fuckin flying ants everywhere.
The government has responded by setting the fuckin flying ant alert to red, and have recommended that people in affected areas remain calm while totally losing their shit.
The panic started yesterday when posts began to appear on social media sites asking what was the craic with all these fuckin flying ants all of a sudden. Twitter users in Dublin, as well as lesser known parts of the country, began to freak out in response to the swarms of fuckin flying ants they had encountered during the day, using the hashtag #FUCKINFLYINGANT.
The phenomenon of fuckin flying ants everywhere is due to the high levels of humidity currently being experienced. The clammy weather is the ideal mating conditions for fuckin flying ants, and with the close sticky weather set to continue into the next week, it looks like we will have to endure fuckin flying ants until all this nature shit sorts itself out.
In a quest to hear just how shit-ruining these fuckin flying ants are, WWN spoke to a bunch of seriously pissed off people, including 26 year old Leslie Harris.
“I was out jogging because I’m so fit and healthy, ” said the Rathfarnam based show-off.
“Next thing I knew, I ran straight into a swarm of fuckin flying ants. There were fuckin flying ants in my mouth and up my nose… when I got home there was a fuckin flying ant underneath my contact lens. I got straight onto Facebook to warn people. These fuckin flying ants think they own the place, don’t they know I pay taxes?”.
With similar stories flooding the internet describing mans ongoing battle with the fuckin flying ant scourge, fuckin flying ant experts are warning people to keep all doors and windows locked until the swarms die down, while connecting a stripped extension cord onto a wok will make an effective tool to electrocute swathes of fuckin flying ants should you be forced to battle them.
Under no circumstances should you try to get over yourself and go about your daily business during these troubling fuckin flying ant filled times. WWN wishes everyone the best. May God help us all.