Guide To Renting In Dublin
WWN is proud to present its handy guide to all things property as it confronts the current surplus of renting fantasticness on offer in the Nation’s capital Dublin.
Our media rivals seem hell bent on convincing you, the innocent Irish public that there isn’t value out there when it comes to renting property but that simply isn’t true. Below is our hassle free, information heavy cheat sheet of renting in Dublin.
1. Lower your expectations. Now lower them again. Several times in fact. Let’s get real here, you are scum of the earth and are not worthy of a hospitable and habitable abode.
2. No, I’m sorry, you thought we didn’t notice, but you have in fact refused to lower expectation far enough. Think 2-bed mansion on a council estate, now imagine the Gaza strip – you need to find the halfway point and we can finally bloody begin.
3. Pretend it isn’t a kip. Lying to yourself is a great start. Yes, it’s €1450 a month for a cramped 2 bedroom apartment but it’s Dublin the city that never ever grinds you down to a nub of nothingness – see I’m lying already and it’s working out great.
4. You have little or no rights, but this is okay, when handing over a deposit remember to grip the money tightly in the hope your new overlord landlord will simply give up trying to prise that deposit from your cold, poor and possibly dead hands.
5. Do you really need running water? We hear this all the time from readers, but come on, the Celtic Tiger was shot on some hunting trip by a rich American redneck a long time ago. Fill several large buckets with water and repeat after me ‘this is my bath, sink, toilet and shower and I am not ashamed’. You’ll get used to it, honest.
6. Should you tip your landlord when paying rent? While not law, it is recommended because after all, who knows when he will renege on your lease because you’ve just pointed out your child was electrocuted by some loose wiring.
7. “But it’s a kip and I hate it, surely someone in power will change the current insane prices” – this is simply incorrect.
8. “I don’t want my friends seeing me like this”. Don’t be silly everything can be explained when you say you’re a hipster. Mould on the curtain your landlord refuses to replace? Hipster. The fridge doesn’t work. Hipster. The corpse in the attic is beginning to smell. Hipster!
9. Be evicted/move out & repeat. See, it really isn’t as bad as those in the media would have believed.