WWN has all the latest from the action at the World Cup in Brazil.
Brazilian born Portuguese player Pepe finally admitted to being a sleeper agent for his homeland after his idiotic sending off against Germany yesterday. Brazilian coaching staff activated a switch in Pepe’s brain, which saw him become detached from reality and act the bollocks. Portuguese authorities have since revoked his passport.
A number of nations have increased sanctions on Iran following the revelations that they committed countless crimes against football last night.
The UN are reviewing footage from the game before considering what action they will take. Amnesty International have made an appeal to other countries at the World Cup to send any shots on goal they can spare.
WWN cannot confirm the rumours that Sepp Blatter convened an emergency sitting of the FIFA council in a Brazilian brothel at 3am as he tabled a motion to change the official name of the game from football to Seppball.
Many clever Irish fans made hilarious observations during the USA match late last night. Phrases such as ‘soccer’, ‘end zone’, ‘quarterback’ and ‘touchdown’ were used in a hilariously sarcastic fashion before it was pointed out it was in fact the USA’s 10th appearance at a World Cup, 7 more than Ireland. This prompted many Irish fans to openly weep.
There’s yet more problems in the Portuguese camp as Ronaldo has refused to come out of his room shouting “nobody understands me” several times.
Today’s action sees hosts Brazil play their second match of the tournament against Mexico. The Brazilian squad have been hard at work this week working on elaborate celebrations, should Neymar score tonight the team will do a number from popular musical Cats.
Russian leader Vladimir Putin has sent his team a heartwarming and inspirational video message which only alludes to the team being murdered if they lose 12 times.