With the opening match of the World Cup just a week away fresh doubt has been cast over the participation of one of football’s best players, Cristiano Ronaldo.
Sources in the Portuguese camp claim he suffered an injured ego in the aftermath of Real Madrid’s champion’s league triumph against rivals Atletico Madrid.
Rumours have been circulating for some time that Ronaldo will miss Portugal’s first match of the tournament and there is a possibility he may not play at all if Portugal fail to progress beyond the group stage.
“He celebrated shirtless, but he felt not enough papers had it as the headline, so he overstretched his ego, causing tissue damage,” team Physio José Durate shared.
The tissue damage was said to run into tens of boxes of Kleenex as Ronaldo struggled with the sight of his teammates thinking they were somehow partly responsible for Mardid’s recent success.
Recovery time for a bruised ego varies player to player, but it is thought Ronaldo will spend a little over a week sulking in bedroom, refusing to come out followed by some light training.
“The training for Ronaldo will consist of us all clapping when he ties his laces and when he walks onto the pitch. From there, we make loud and happy noises, shower him with praise like you do with a newborn baby,” added Durate.
Various cutting edge methods will be utilised to get Ronaldo fit in time for the World Cup such as novelty sized goals, no goalkeepers and the ‘its my ball and I’m going home’ game. The Portuguese camp also sought the advice of leading ego-management experts in Manchester City and now ply Ronaldo with hourly birthday cakes.
While a bruised ego is thankfully a rare injury in the modern game, there are players involved in this year’s tournament who are also afflicted by similarly rare ailments.
Wayne Rooney is a notable sufferer of Shreked-In Syndrome, much like locked-in syndrome except instead of the sufferer being unable to move, they look remarkably like animated hero Shrek.
Holland star Arjen Robben has sought treatment for Pass Blindess, a condition that leaves him unable to see other teammates in free space.