Tiger Woods Out Of Masters With Bruised Penis

Golf’s world no. 1, Tiger Woods, will miss next week’s Masters in Augusta but not to the originally reported back trouble but to a severely bruised penis.

Wood’s injured member will see him miss his first Masters Tournament since 1994. The prestigious Augusta tournament is one of the four major championships in professional golf.

Dr. Sandeep Kahn, head of Penisoratic Surgery at the University Of Utah Hospital verified the diagnosis to WWN today.

He said “I don’t know why the false information was released. He was rushed to me Monday morning complaining of great pain in his groin area. It sounded like he had another of those weekends he brags about.”

This is not the first time Tiger Wood’s penis had gotten him into trouble. He recently had to pull out of the final round of the Honda Classic, the Arnold Palmer Invitational and Brazilian model Juliana Azevedo.

Spokesperson for the PGA Tour Glenn Michaels wished Woods a speedy recovery and pleaded with 38 year old to start taking it easy.

“You’re not as young as you once were. I hope you will avoid orgies in the future as they don’t help your short game none.”