Middle-Aged Singer In A Band Tells Leading Politicians How To Do Their Job

Bono took to the stage at Dublin’s National Convention Centre this lunchtime to give a helpful powerpoint presentation on how exactly he expects politicians to do their job.

The packed EPP conference saw Bono give an impassioned speech at the insistence of Taoiseach Enda Kenny who recognised the fact that politicians were never cool in school and thusly would be easily wowed by a short man wearing shades indoors.

While WWN have been banned from reporting from inside the EPP conference by Fine Gael for fear we would expose Bono’s speech for the laughable and shallow PR exercise it is, our sources on the inside shared sections of his speech with us.

Bono was expected to deliver a speech that was in line with his own socially liberals ideals that were by in large the complete opposite of those associated with the right of centre EEP parties.

“It’s an honour to be here man. Africa. I’m just a boy from the northside of Dublin. Ukraine. Cool. Rock n’ Roll. Mandela,” our source told us, stating that those words ‘were the jist of it’ and that the U2 singer declined to discuss his tax arrangements outside of Ireland during the speech.

“Frankly I was hoping for more puns based around U2 songs to be honest,” our source went on to say.

Bono’s speech was met with a standing ovation by the politicians in attendance who have far more powerful and influential jobs than the singer if only they would just realise it.