Murder Fast Becoming Ireland’s Number One Thing To Do Before You Die

BUNGEE JUMPING, Skydiving, Kayaking down dangerous rapids and now murder have become the number one things Irish people would like to do before they die.

Over the past 20 years the phenomenon of taking someones life has grown in popularity here, with almost one person a day becoming a victim to the sport.

Murdering someone for no apparent reason first took off in Ireland in the mid-nineties. Taboo at the time, it soon became popular with young men desperate to seek street credibility with local gangs.

However, murder took a nasty turn in 2004 when a new craze called ‘Happy Whacking’ took to the Dublin streets. Young men would film themselves running up to strangers with a loaded gun and firing it directly into the victim’s head, killing them dead for fun.

The videos would then be uploaded to illegal Internet sites, which were later taken down by Gardai the following year.

Self confessed Happy Wacker Martin Clooney told WWN about his two month, killing spree: “All the lads were doing it, egging each other on. At the time it was a bit of criac an’ all. I remember I whacked two young ones in the one night. Got some amount of video views so it did. They were clean kills.”

Clean kills was a term Happy Wackers would use when their victim was ‘dead before they hit the ground’.

“You’d gets extra Kudos for clean kills.” Clooney added from his prison cell. “I miss the good old days man.”

After a Garda clampdown on the craze, murder figures dropped in Ireland for a while. Then in 2008 the economic depression gave birth to a new wave of hits. In the last 6 years murder has become one of the fastest growing trends in Ireland, with 7 out of 10 people admitting they want to at least kill one person before they die.

“I suppose it’s like anything real; once you get used to it you’d be able to do it over and over again.” said Deirdre Power, a primary school teacher from Carlow. “I have a list of people I want to kill but I do have a favourite – that Donal fucking eegit from the Bord Gais advert that. Christ, I’d love to put two behind his ear…. and his stupid wife.”

“Donal….Donal…DONAL!…..BANG BANG!” she added while making a gun action with her hand and laughing. “Try fixing that you Gobshite!”