Foreign Nightclub Toilet Attendant Declared ‘Pure Sound’ By Drunk

Part-time toilet attendant and civil engineering student Jeta Iroegbu is “Pure Sound” according to one patron of Pontificate nightclub in Burkle, Co. Leitrim.

The declaration by Danny McHannard came after a lengthy interaction in the popular venue on Saturday the 8th February, during which the unemployed souse treated Mr. Iroegbu to a stirring rendition of “Reach for the Sky” by S Club 7 while eating a dish full of Chupa Chups.

“See that Nigerian lad in the jacks, hey?”, announced Mr. McHannard during an attempt at consuming a Garlic Cheese chip at a taxi rank later in the night. “He’s, he’s one pure sound hoor. I do have the craic with him, he’s some lad”.

“Some of them Nigerians wouldn’t talk to you at all but this lad is pure sound. The odd night he does turn a blind eye to me sneaking in a lassie and getting my ashes hauled in the cubicles. Some of them Nigerians would throw you out for that. Some of them aren’t sound, but Sheamie is. That’s what I call him, Sheamie. He has some quare Nigerian name I can’t pronounce, so that’s what I christened him. He thinks it’s gas!”.

Eager to congratulate Mr. Iroegbu, we caught up with him later in the night as he helped to sweep up broken bottles in the now empty nightclub.

“Do not talk of that man to me”, exclaimed Jeta, who is actually from Cameroon. “I am trying to work so that I can make money to help me with my studies. But he comes in drunk, sprays Joop all over himself and then insists that they should sell Lynx Africa in Africa”.

“He keeps asking me if Barack Obama could win a fight with Wesley Snipes while using half a tub of Brylcreem, then he walks out patting his pockets, telling me he’ll ‘look after me later’ because he has no change. As he says this, I can hear the change jingle in his pocket! Next time you see him, tell him he is barred!”.