Occasional heavy or prolonged showers of wankers will delay you on the way to work tomorrow morning. Sunny spells of laughter may brighten up your day around noon. The possibility of even more wankers may appear on your way home from work, but they will become more isolated in the evening. Highest temperatures of 98.6 degrees, unless you become sick or dead.
Tuesday will be shite with some sunny spells of work related humour. Rain will dominate the country’s conversations in the afternoon, forcing many people to consume large amounts of alcohol alone in their homes on Tuesday night. Top temperatures won’t even matter at this stage.
Wednesday’s weather is cancelled due to bad weather.
Wet and windy weather will spread in from that fucking Atlantic on Thursday morning and night with heavy rain and strong southerly winds, leading calls for the whole country to be dragged down to the Mediterranean by tug boats in the afternoon. The rain may fall as sleet or snow for a time on Northern hills with the possibility of amateur photographers at 100%.
Friday will be absolutely awesome no matter what the weather. The rain can pour down all it wants as everyone finishes up for the week. Scattered blustery showers will follow, but no one will really care. The showers will wait till pub closing times before parading down on the masses. Highest temperatures of who gives a fuck will reach around 7 or 8 degrees. TGIF