Met Eireann Weather Warning: “Jaysus, That’s Some Wind”

Galway, Mayo, Sligo, Donegal and Leitrim are set to be affected by high winds. WWN has reproduced Met Eireann’s latest weather warning in full below:
People of Ireland,

Jaysus that’s some wind. No really it is. You’ll get a fair old wallop from a falling branch if you’re not careful. You are advised to dust off your VHS copies of Hollywood blockbuster ‘Twister’ and takes notes.

No, not ‘Dante’s Peak’. I know it was out around the same time; it’ll be no use to you. Honestly. No, not ‘Volcano’ either. Yes, that Tommy Lee Jones is a great actor, but you’ll be kicking yourselves when your house is swallowed up and you haven’t the slightest notion of what to be doing with yourself.

Other things to note: Tornadoes are not lactose intolerant. We don’t know how many calls we’ve received in regards to this, but they love a sup of the stuff as much as the next man.

A good pray is known to reduce the power of a tornado by 0% so we’ll save you the bother there. Sharks are a possible side effect of tornadoes.

‘It’ll all blow over’ while an amusing little pun does much to distract from the seriousness of the matter at hand. Farmers: tie your cattle together with one of those fancy knots.

If you think we’re joking just remember what happened to Michael Ryan’s cattle the last time. You have been warned.
Finally, Jim you’ll have to stop calling Jean Byrne. The restraining order still stands and she is flat out refusing to wear that dress on the telly so just let go.

Regards, Met Eireann