Kenny And Gilmore To List Achievements In Office During 30 Second Press Conference

The Fine Gael led coalition government will mark their first two years in office with a press conference detailing their achievements thus far.

The press conference is only expected to last a matter of seconds as Taoiseach Enda Kenny lists off each promise fulfilled by his cabinet.

The government has commissioned gardener Diarmuid Gavin to mark the occasion with the planting of a €100,000 sunflower, watered by the tears of the nation’s youth, which will be suspended from the top of the Spire located on Dublin’s O’Connell street.

The Taoiseach is expected to emphasis how quickly 144,000 minutes can go by but also stress that Ireland has shown much promise, especially when it comes to not trying to kill an 85-year-old English tourist known to some as ‘The Queen’.