Budget 2014: Government To Announce ‘Fully Funded’ Euthanasia Scheme For The Over 70’s

PENSIONERS will be offered a ‘fully funded’ euthanasia scheme in budget 2014, the government said today, in a bid to alleviate the growing number of over 70’s claiming state pensions.

The scheme, which will see nearly one in every ten pensioners through to the afterlife, will be rolled out on the 1st of January next year, at a cost of €12 million euro annually.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny defended the expenditure earlier by stating that it will save the country over €48 million euro every year on medical bills relating to elderly sickness.

“At the moment, 350,000 over-70s have a full medical card,” he said. “35,000 of these will be randomly taken off the medical card system and offered the fully subsidised euthanasia scheme, saving our state millions in pesky medical card fees and weekly pensions.”

The lucky participants, who will be chosen randomly by their level of sickness, will be flown to a euthanasia clinic in Zurich, Switzerland, where they will be given a round of barbiturates and a hospital bed to live out their final moments.

This is calculated to save €48m, implying that the cost of paying the drugs bill for pensioners works out at €1,371 each.

A further €6.6 million euros will be saved on state pensions, bringing the total figure to nearly €54 million.

“With this saving we can finally finish redecorating Leinster house and throw a real Christmas party for Dail Eireann this year.” added the Taoiseach.

The government is expected to cut the €850 bereavement grant from the start of next year, only paying it to those who volunteer for the euthanasia scheme.

“We have to give the families of those who fall into the euthanasia scheme category some intensive, in order to urge them forward in the being dead process.” concluded Mr. Kenny.