New Laws To Allow Banks Anally Rape Struggling Homeowners Family While They’re Made Watch

THE GOVERNMENT announced today it will pass new laws which will allow banks to anally rape a struggling homeowners entire family while being made to watch on.

Enda Kenny said the new measure will be introduced from next week in a new program designed to reduce the number of mortgage arrears in the country, which currently stands at over 150,000 homes.

A surge in the number of bank run home invasions and rapes is on the cards from next Monday.

“Home owners have nothing to fear as long as they keep up with their mortgage agreement to the banks.” assured Mr. Kenny.

However, the new law also states that debt-ravaged homeowners will no longer have one year’s protection from having their arses raped, allowing the bank to now enter the home, and their family, after only two months in arrears.

“If people fall behind after only two months; where will they be after a year?” asked the Taoiseach.

“We might as well nip it in the butt before it gets out of hand.” he added.

The move and other changes to regulatory rules for how struggling borrowers should be treated by lenders have been praised by the banks, stating that the new law will ‘flush out’ bad debt across the country and boost the financial sector for sure.

“I may even go back to the grind and get my hands dirty myself.” joked AIB bank chief, Harold Murphy.

An estimated 50,000 invasions are expected to be carried out between now and 2014.

Banks have warned that retaliation of any kind will be met with the powers of the law, stating: ‘Gardai will hold down struggler’s and accompany sheriffs when needed. ‘